General., Life, Music, Zen.

Song List. A-Z.

A – Animals. Martin Garrix
B – Bloodstream. Stateless
C – Colors. Halsey
D – Dust it Off. The Dø
E – Eyes Closed. Halsey
F – Faded. Alan Walker
G – Give it Up. Knife Party
H – Haunting. Halsey
I – I Hate U, I Love U. Gnash
J – Jessie’s Girl. Rick Springfield
K – Keep on Walking. Passenger
L – Little Brother. Ella Vos
M – Mad Hatter. Melanie Martinez
N – New Americana. Halsey
O – Ocean Eyes. Billie Eilish
P – Power Glove. Knife Party
Q – Que Sera.  Wax Tailor.
R – Radioactive. Imagine Dragons
S – Slip. Elliot Moss
T – True Affection. The Blow
U – Under Pressure. Queen
V – Vertigo. U2
W – Way Down We Go. Kaleo
X – NONE!
Y – Your Song. Elton John (sung by Ewan McGregor)
Z – Zombies Ate My Neighbor. Schoolboy

Fun, General., Health., Life, Uncategorized, Zen.

Lucid Dreaming.

If I don’t add another blog now, I never will.

I mean, maybe that’s not true, but it’s time for me to do this.

Lucid Dreaming. I’m really interested in training my mind to do this. The beauty of Lucid Dreaming is that you can go anywhere. You can do anything. You have the ability to travel, to meet people, to find guidance all within your sleeping mind. I want to experience this. I’ve had very vivid dreams in the past and in those few, rare dreams, I knew that I was dreaming. I don’t know how I knew, but what an incredible feeling it was. I couldn’t even begin to explain how it felt.  It was so real.

future-1

For a long time now, I’ve been struggling to remember my dreams. Remembering your dream when you wake up is one of the first steps to lucid dreaming. It’s so hard for me. I’ve installed an app on my iPhone called Pillow. I’m using it to track my sleep cycles. It also has a built in alarm that wakes you up gradually. I think there’s even a feature to write notes about your dreams. I haven’t used it yet, but I plan to if I can.

I’ve also had a book on lucid dreaming for a while now. It’s called A Field Guide to Lucid Dreaming by Dylan Tuccillo, Jared Zeizel, and Thomas Peisel. I’ve only just begun reading it. I’ve read a chapter every night for the last five nights. I’m trying so hard to train myself. It’s difficult because of how emotionally drained I’ve been. Just finished the holidays. I’m working full-time and recently had my reserve weekend. I’m in crunch-mode for school. And I still find time to hang out with my favorite people. But I’m truly exhausted.

Edgar-Allan-Poe-Quotes-1
“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.” Edgar Allan Poe

According to this article (and where I found the awesome feature image for my blog),  lucid dreaming can help improve memory, can help us understand ourselves, and the coolest thing is that we’re free to do whatever we wish. Meet with old friends and family. Go where ever we want. Be whatever we want to be. I find all of this so fascinating.

How do we know the life we live right now is not a dream? How do we know that reality as we know it is not connected with the dream world? I want to find out.

As I continue my journey, and if I see any progress, I’ll be certain to write about it. I’m excited to see where this goes. Stayed tuned till next time.

Family, Fun, General., Life, Uncategorized

The Little Things.

Last night I was sitting on my bed with my little ones. They were hilarious, being the silly goofballs that they are. They were crazy. They usually are. I’m sure our neighbors love us… The fighting, the “cut it out” yelling from me, the laughing, the sounds of things hitting the wall.

From someone else’s point of view, it would sound like a complete madhouse.

Most people probably wouldn’t realize that my kids were just flat out exhausted. The craziest times always happen in the evenings. Funny thing is that even when they’re tired, they have more energy than I would ever know what to do with.

So there we were last night. Tickling, giggling, and enjoying life. I enjoy them. Their presence, their hugs and kisses, their silly jokes and stories about their day.

My eldest daughter stopped playing early on and was relaxing peacefully with her laptop, reading my blogs. She’s fascinated knowing that people can make their own websites. She desperately wants to make one of her own. She’s eight. I’ve purchased her many coding books, but have not gotten around to teaching her much. With one of her books, I did help her set up her first “website” using Notepad++. She was on there for hours! I have quite a gift for her this Christmas, but I can’t post that since she’ll no doubt be reading this. Let’s just say, it’s a step in the right direction to what she wants to do. My skillful, brilliant girl.

My second oldest, almost seven, is absolutely hysterical. She can make me laugh until I’m literally in tears. (I know people overuse the term “literally”, but here, I MEAN IT). The best way to describe her personality is this: she’s a troll! Not on the internet, but in person! She provokes people until she sees the rise in them. She likes to “stirs pots” so to speak. Then, when the person is about to snap, she gives a devious successful smile and blinks her eyes slowly with that grin on her face. Little troublemaker, but she also has a huge heart. If someone is upset, she is the first to try to fix the problem. She loves making and giving gifts to people. She likes to make people feel special. She is remarkable.

Then there’s my son. Oh, my son. My four year old boy. He’s his own animal. He is now a typical “boy” if there ever was one. When he was two, however, he used to dress up in his sisters clothes. He loved being a princess. By age three, he transitioned to a fighting fairy (or princess depending on the costume of the day). He would walk down in his outfit, heels and all, and storm into me or his siblings to “beat chu up” as he put it. Now, age four, the dresses are gone, but the fight is still there. The kicking, the punching, the magic powers that he uses (“magic, magic, make you dead!” “magic, magic, make you alive!” are just a few of his spells). His favorite thing to do right now is the oh so popular “the floor is lava” game. He plays with his sisters and jumps onto any shoe, sock, or box that he can to avoid being burned alive by the imaginary lava. But that’s him. Wonderful and creative.

Last night was a strong reminder to myself how good I have it. How lucky I am to have them. They bring so much life to my own. They ARE my life. Through all of the good and the bad, they are always there to make it better.

This is all I had time for. I will try to add some photos later. Just remember, enjoy the simple things in life.

Fun, General., Life, Story Telling, Uncategorized

Simple. Fun. Story Telling.

The only thing I feel like doing right now is writing. I want to curl up with a large cup of coffee, fuzzy socks, and snuggle in my warm, cozy bed. I want to pour my soul out into my writing. To let my fingertips take over and let the feelings flow. Release these thoughts that fill and cloud my mind… Write it all out, to get it out. Unfortunately, I have neither coffee nor fuzzy socks. I am not sitting in my warm, cozy bed. And I will not be pouring any of my feelings into this blog. Not now. Not this time.

Instead, I’ll tell you a story. Not a story about myself, but a story that used to be told at sleepovers for entertainment. Not quite a scary story (although those were great too), but a story that made the listener think. I couldn’t even tell you where this story came from. Or if it’s even an actual story that was ever written because I can’t find it anywhere online. Regardless, this is how it goes… (Or at least how I remember it).

[Setting: The listener lays down, legs straight, eyes closed, flat on their back. Try to do this on a flat surface. The listener’s head should be resting comfortably in the reader’s lap. The reader is sitting up straight. Telling the story in a soothing tone. They gently massage the listener’s temples as they tell the story.]

The Reader Begins:

You live in a large wooden cabin in the middle of the woods. Your cabin is surrounded by tall trees. One day, you are bored and decide to go on a walk.

After ten minutes of walking, you hear a voice. You listen. “Procedure to change your life! Guaranteed to make you smarter! Only $5!” You walk towards the sound and see a little, old woman dressed in rags.

“What are you saying? What exactly will make me smarter?” You ask.

“Oh little one,” She says. She has a smile on her face, but you can’t tell if it’s genuine or if she is up to something. She looks up at you with intense eyes. “One simple procedure will make you smarter for the rest of your life. I guarantee it. It will only take a moment of your time and is only $5.”

She smiles again waiting for your answer.

“Alright,” you agree, “what do I need to do?” Though you are not entirely sure if you should do anything. But you figure, why not? That you have nothing to lose.

“Please lay on this table and close your eyes,” says the old woman. You look at the old wooden table. Next to it, you see several sharp tools. You don’t think much of it. You lay down, close your eyes, and you do as she says.

The old woman rubs a strong smelling, damp washcloth against your forehead. You feel your forehead going numb.

[The reader rubs their hand across the listeners forehead pretending to rub the cloth on it.]

“This may hurt,” you hear her say, but she sounds miles away. You feel pressure, not pain, across your forehead as a sharp blade is cut into your head and skull. She removes the top of your skull.

[Reader uses index finger with some pressure and runs their finger across the top of the listeners head. Then the reader pretends to pull of the top of the skull and sets it on the table.]

The woman begins asking questions. She sounds more distant than ever. What she’s saying doesn’t make any sense, but you must answer. “How many rocks? Pick a number: one through ten.”

[THE LISTENER PICKS A NUMBER. The reader makes a fist and starts knocking on the listeners head as though inserting “X” number of imaginary rocks.]

“How many pebbles? Pick: ten through twenty.”

[THE LISTENER PICKS A NUMBER. The reader uses the tips of their fingers, tapping on the listener’s forehead “X” number of times as though they are inserting pebbles.]

“How many pounds of sand? Pick: one pound or two?”

[THE LISTENER PICKS A NUMBER. The reader uses the tips of their fingers, tapping more quickly and softly on the listeners forehead for about 10-20 seconds.]

You feel the old woman place your skull back on and she sews up your head.

[Reader pretends to sew up the listener’s head, then begins massaging listener’s temples again].

You fall into a deep sleep. When you finally wake up, the woman is gone and your head is pounding. You look down and see that all of your money is missing. Your head feels like it’s 100lbs. Slowly, very slowly, you try to get up.

[At this, the listener tries to get up slowly. Encourage them to move very slowly and watch them struggle as though their head really did weigh 100lbs!]

The end!

I always enjoyed this story because it was interactive and entertaining. I know this isn’t exactly how it was told to me, but it’s the same idea. I never really knew what the moral of the story was, but reflecting on this as an adult, I now see the what it’s trying to teach. That we shouldn’t trust strangers. We shouldn’t change ourselves through surgery or magic pills. We should love ourselves the way we are. That’s my understanding anyway.

Well, this beats my bleeding heart problems that I could have been writing and reminds me of good times. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I used to! Try it out sometime and let me know how it goes. 🙂

General., Health., Life, Uncategorized, Zen.

Look within.

“There is no fire like greed,
No crime like hatred,
No sorrow like separation,
No sickness like hunger of heart,
And no joy like the joy of freedom.

Health, contentment and trust
Are your greatest possessions,
And freedom your greatest joy.

Look within.
Be still.
Free from fear and attachment,
Know the sweet joy of living in the way.”

Teachings of the Buddha Edited by Jack Kornfield page 85. I bought this book in Biloxi, Mississippi, two years ago from a book store called Books-A-Million. I’ve used this book for general guidance ever since. From time to time, I randomly select a quote for guidance or to help clear my mind. Tonight, I picked up this book and fell upon this particular quote.

What do you feel when you read this? Line by line. That there is no fire like greed. No crime like hatred. No sorrow like separation. No sickness like hunger of heart. Does it speak to you as it does to me?

It reminds me to let go. To let go of all negative things. To free myself, and my mind, of all attachments. To enjoy life. With the way I’ve been feeling lately, this is exactly what I was looking for. A sign to let go.

Ironically, I also read my Tarot cards tonight and saw much of what has been on my mind. I saw the same “sign” in my cards as this quote showed me. Not that I truly believe that I can see my future in cards, but it’s comfortable to pretend that fate may play a role. Besides, it’s easier to read some cards than to ask for help from someone who is only half there.

Whether or not Tarot cards mean anything, mine have seemed to align with everything that has been bothering me lately. My past: unbalanced. Taking on too much. My present: Paralyzed with indecision. My future: Fear of letting go and to move on.

  • My past: I’ve always felt has been unbalanced. Since I was a teenager, I’ve consumed myself with work and school. As I got older and had children, I spent all of my time with them and also with work and school. I often take on more than I should, but somehow, I always manage to make things work.
  • My present: Completely indecisive. What should I do? What do I want to do? What is the right choice? I keep looking for signs rather than taking action. Rather than making decisions. It’s time to move on and figure that bit out. I need to create goals for myself and find ways to achieve them.
  • My future: Fear of letting go and moving on. Ha. True to the core. With more ways than one. But that’s it. That’s what I need to do – Move on. Continue forward with my head held high.

I would continue to tell you that none of this matters and that this is all a load of bull, that “signs” are just for silly, superstitious people. But hey, if a placebo helps, does it matter if it’s a placebo? That’s a serious question. What do you think? If I can gain something from this and find my motivation, does it make it alright to believe?

Just moments ago, I stumbled across this website while doing some research:

https://www.trustedtarot.com/

Of course I did it and it blew me a way with the accuracy. I’m sure you can shrug it off as a “those readings can match anyone at anytime” kind of thing. Sure. But I look for guidance everywhere. From life lessons. Tarot readings. Quotes. It helps me when I feel so lost.

I think everyone can use a good quote once in a while to remind them to let go of the things that don’t matter. To free yourself from negative energies. The Tarot reading just emphasized that truth for me. Try it yourself. What do you think?

General., Goals., Health., Life, Uncategorized, vegan, veganism

So much to say, yet nothing at all.

Here I am. Feeling quite miserable.

Sick. Overworked. Tired. Emotional.

Get over it. I need to get over it.

I need to focus my energy (the little that I have right now) on being positive. It’s funny how everyone goes through moments of ups and downs. Something called “life”. There’s so much good in the world, but it’s hard to see when you’re surrounded by a thick fog of depression.

The worst part of it is that I know I don’t have it half as bad as most people. In fact, I should be incredibly grateful for what I have. I know that I’m fortunate for this life I’ve created for myself. And I am very grateful. I’m grateful for my children, for my job, my close friends and family. I have a bed to sleep in, food on my table, and my health (other than this simple cold that I’m getting over). My children are healthy and happy. This is all that should really matter. It’s just hard to enjoy it when my mind is sitting in the bottom of a hole wondering how to get out. Wondering how to make things better. Wondering if I’m doing the right things, making the right choices.

I have been listening to the book 11-22-63 by Steven King on Audible lately. It’s a very interesting read that involves a man who is able to go back through time. Sometimes I ask myself, if given the opportunity, would I go back in time to change things for myself? Some days I would love to meet the younger me to give myself advice on how to be more successful. To tell myself to make certain choices rather than others. To give myself guidance. But if I did, would I still be who I am today? Would it make me a better person? Would I be happier? Ultimately, I think not.

We learn through our mistakes. We learn by stressing ourselves to our limits. It helps us grow. If we knew all of the answers, what fun would life be?

I like the person that I’ve become. I need to remember that. There is, after all, only one me. (Though I also believe that we are all connected, but that will be a different blog altogether). I think that if I were able to help others to see thing more positively, it would fill the emptiness that I’ve been feeling.

One thing that I would love to do is foster children. To help someone who has nothing. To give them everything that I can. Love, support, and everything in-between. It will be a goal of mine. Perhaps when my children are older and when I’m financially ready.

I thought veganism was that “void-filler” and it was for a while, but the more I preach veganism, the more I feel that the world is against me. It’s frustrating when friends and family don’t take it as seriously as I do. And I suppose that’s fine, since I used to feel the same way. Not being able to make the connection from the slaughtered animals to what was on my plate. Or maybe it was the lack of caring. I don’t know. Knowing what I know now though, I thought I could help others see it too. But it isn’t so. I feel like giving up. Not on my vegan lifestyle, but on encouraging others to do the same. Society rules all.

In the meantime, I will put more focus on the positive things. The things that I am so lucky to have. And the hope that I can help this world in other ways. Going back in time won’t change a thing. I need to focus on the future. The future of myself, my family, and others. I think I’ll give myself 15 minutes of meditation tonight. To clear my mind. To send out positive vibrations and to be ready to receive them in return. Maybe it’ll help. Maybe it won’t.

‘Til next time. ❤

 

General., Goals., Uncategorized, vegan

When life give you lemons?

Are you surprised? You shouldn’t be. I couldn’t keep up with blogging even if I was paid for it. I’ve been completely wrapped up with work, home life, and honestly, with feeling quite down.

Work is just… well, work. I’m working to live, living to work. Aren’t we all? There’s hardly any free time. Work from 8am-5pm, with a 45 minute commute each way. So it takes up a lot more. I love my job, but damn I miss my family. My awesome little kids… with whom I’m watching the Netflix TV Series “Dark”. We shared some vegan BBQ chips and made our own guacamole. Here’s the recipe that we used:

1 – Avocado
2 – Small tomatoes
2Tbsp – Chopped red onions
1Tsp – Lime juice (or LEMON)
1Tsp – Vinegar
Pinch of Salt (Optional)

Anyway, I also work as a Reservist with the USAF. That takes up another one of the four weekends that I do have during the month. It’s draining. All I want to do is sleep when I get home now. That’s not what I do though. I do what I can to spend time with my kids. Help them with homework, make dinner, watch a movie. I need more energy. Coffee only helps so much.

This has only brought me down. I need to find time for myself. Time to meditate. Time to do fun activities with my kids. I’m taking classes online and I can’t even manage to find time to study for that. How do I get my life in order? Where do I start?

I’m still trying to figure it out. This is all I’ve got for now.

Dieting, General., Goals., Health., Uncategorized, vegan, veganism

Past Mistakes.

In one of my previous posts, I briefly mentioned my pre-vegan eating. Let me elaborate. Before the year 2014, I ate horribly. I’m talking fast food all day. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. McDonalds, Taco Bell, Burger King… those were my top 3 favorites. The reason I say this is because I was headed on a bad path for my health and well-being… and I was pulling my children down right along with me.

This is so important because in my previous post I complained about my insecurities and my unhealthy eating habits, when in reality, I should feel much better about the decisions I make now. I cook much more than I ever did. Years ago, my go-to meal was the double quarter pounder and for my kids, it was the chicken nugget Kid’s Meal with fries and a soda. YES, SODA. It kills me to think of how poorly educated I was when it came to health and nutrition.

Neither my kids nor I have had fast food (or soda) in 3 years.. unless Chipotle counts?? In fact, my kids LOVE fruits and veggies. They eat so well and I couldn’t be more proud! That never would have happened if we didn’t have a major life change. Now, I’m not saying veganism is the answer for everyone, but it was for us.

I bring this up to you because if we never made the transition to a vegan diet, we would still be eating the same way. I don’t think I would have ever developed an interest in nutrition. I wouldn’t read ingredient lists like I do today. I would be in terrible shape… literally speaking.

Am I where I want to be when it come to weight now? As you would know from my previous post… the answer is no. I would definitely love to lose a few pounds and get in better shape. There’s always room for improvement.

Dieting, General., Goals., Health., Uncategorized, vegan, veganism

Vegan Gains. For Real.

Good evening to those of you reading my post. I know it’s been a long ass time since I’ve even attempted writing. A lot has been on my mind lately, so it’s been difficult trying to make this blog a priority. As silly as it might sound, I probably should make this a priority for the sake of my sanity (no, not really, but I think it could help).

With that said, I will begin my vent, rant, whatever.

Let me get a little personal… I’m very uncomfortable about my body and my weight. I’m not usually comfortable talking about it either, but maybe it needs to be said for me to get my shit together. I’ve never been extremely “overweight”, but lately I can say that I’ve packed on quite a few, unflattering, pounds. Crazy thing is, I’m vegan! “Aren’t vegans supposed to be skinny?” Hell no, so shut up and sit down.

Sure, I don’t eat fast food like I used to, but that doesn’t mean I can’t gain weight! I. Love. Bagels. There. I said it. I love bagels smothered with Vegenaise, Follow Your Heart cheese, and Tofurkey. I could eat those ALL DAMN DAY! With a little lettuce, tomato, onions…. ahh… All that, and pizza. Of course pizza. It’s so easy! And they have a pizza place near me that has vegan options and it’s so cheap. I could go on and on about my favorite foods (to 100% include Thai..oh and lots of desserts), but let’s face it, what good will that do me? None.

Anyway, I figure if I can change my lifestyle so drastically in one way (from eating so much meat and cheese! to cutting it out completely), then I can change it in other ways as well… right?

This is where my dilemma comes into play. Where do I even begin? Do I want to commit myself to dressing-less salads for the rest of my life? I don’t want to start some diet fad or starve myself. I just want to find what works for ME. *Insert exaggerated crying emoji here*.

Basically this is where I’m at: deciding on what to do next. I’m 5’6″ just sitting here with 150lb weight. It doesn’t sound like much, but just a year ago I was 135lbs. So within 365ish days, I’ve gained 15lbs.

And in case you’re curious (not that you are, but in case, you never know), my BMI reads normal.. the normal range for my height is 114.6lbs-154.9. I’m pushing more towards that far end.

And ya know, I’ve tried out the whole Facebook workout groups and B.S. and even tried doing some BeachBody crap. I realized that it’s just not for me.

So now I look at it like this, I can either do something about it, or I can keep on bitching as an attempt make myself feel better. I’m going to do a bit of research to see what lifestyle change will suit me most. You are more than welcome to sit back and read my journey or you can totally join me! That would be awesome! Just hit me up and let me know. It would be super supportive and I would give that support right on back.

Guess it all ends here for now. “Stay tuned” for my next blog. I’ll throw in recipes and exercise ideas, or whatever the hell I decide to do. We’ll see how it goes. Thanks all! 😉

General.

The Veginning.

This is quite obviously my first post.

Let me make this clear… I simply have no idea what I’m doing right now. I have no idea what this blog will become, if it becomes anything at that, and I have no idea how many people will take an interest in what I have to say. Regardless, I will continue to fight for what I believe in and I will encourage anyone that I can to do the same.

Before we begin, here are some things you should know: you should know why this blog was created, what it was created to do, and learn a quick background story of the author, eh… meaning myself.

Prior to making this blog, I had been struggling to come up with ideas to become more involved with my community. Let me be real–I’m still struggling. I’m hoping this blog will help me sort out those ideas. Those ideas will more than likely include personal stories, opinions, and feelings as well.

My ultimate goal is to meet others with the same interests, to encourage people to get more involved, and to help anyone who’s interested in make better life choices. Those are my reasons for starting this page, but what exactly will this page support?

One of my biggest passions is veganism and that’s exactly what my blog will promote. In this day and age, it’s not necessary to consume animal products. There’s so much information available on the mistreatment of animals, the effects that farming has on our planet, and what animal products are doing to our bodies. I’ll go into more detail on each of these issues in later posts.

Another passion of mine is getting involved. When I talk about getting involved, I mean an entire range of things, from spreading awareness about important topics to helping those in need. In order to implement change, people need to open their eyes to the evils of this world. Without knowing what problems there are, how can we fix them? This is why it’s so important to spread information. FACTUAL, REFERENCED information.

I also want to help those in need. I want to help children in hospitals and foster care, I want to help the homeless, and I want to bring happiness to elders in senior homes. It’s so overwhelming to me that I really don’t know where to begin. As I figure things out, I’ll post the information that I find and list useful resources that anyone can use. It will be a learning process, but I’m ready to begin.

That leaves me to tell you a bit about myself. My greatest life accomplishment, before anything else, is being a mother to three amazing kids. I’m indescribably grateful to have such outgoing, intelligent, beautiful children. You will see me write more about them and their involvement in my projects in future posts.

I’m also proud to say that I am an Airman in the United States Air Force. I’m a Staff Sergeant in the field of technology. Technology is another passion of mine, but won’t be discussed in this blog. When I have the time and energy, I will create a completely separate blog to teach those who are interested in what I do.

Last of all, as you already know, I’m a vegan and have been so for the past three years. This means I don’t eat any type of meat or seafood, dairy products to include cheese, yogurt or milk, and I don’t buy items made of leather. Of course, I will show you in later blogs that there are alternatives to all of these things. My children are also vegan and wouldn’t have it any other way. They, as am I, are proud to know that we don’t support the meat or dairy industry.

Now you know why this blog was created, what it supports, and you know a little bit about me. I’m excited to start this journey and I’m hopeful that I can make a difference, even if it’s to one person. Please feel free to contact me at totally.vegan@outlook.com at any time. I’m a slow at responding, so bare with me. Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Remember, this is only the veginning. 😉 Peace out. ❤